The Far Corners of the Mind

With the RENT final performance special features behind me, I recall a thought I had earlier today. I think I have a compulsion to share my knowledge. What's more, I think that I have a compulsion to show off my knowledge. I get into a lot of discussions with people, and find myself almost always arguing an opposing point of view, weather I agree with the point or not. I justify it to myself and others by saying that these are the arguments they will hear, but sometimes I think that I simply want a challenge. At the same time, I think that it's also a self-checking system, because I have more than once been brought to the point of doing research for the point I tried to make. Here's why; Weather I win or lose, I still have to know more. If I win, I check myself, because I have to be sure. I think that one's primarily driven by the fear that if I did just win an argument with faulty information, or bad facts, that it will then be brought up against me later on. So then I do the research, and increase my knowledge, weather reinforcing something I already knew with newer facts, or getting my facts straight.

At the same time, I think it is an equal part of me trying to fit in and find acceptance and admiration from as many people as possible. I find that one coming in to play with customers, co-workers...really anyone that shows the slightest interest in the things I like. For instance, I had a guy, a fairly regular shopper at my store, come in, and start browsing our new Iron Man figures, and adjoining action figures. I started spouting factoids and little tidbits that I knew, like that Terrance Howard was really kinda pushed out of IM2, and that TF3 will be shooting in Chicago. I also threw at him the new info that I got earlier today that 2 of my favorite shows ever are on DVD, the 90's Iron Man Animated series, and King Arthur and the Knights of Justice. He ended our interaction with "Thanks for giving me that info." I got a satisfactory feeling out of that. I think I like informing, and I like being right, and I like being appreciated. I mean...everyone likes being appreciated...but more so for me. I think it's nearing a compulsion.

That right there was a genuine introspective, for the...0...people that read this...but one day, when I'm famous, maybe more will. I leave this as a record of the time that I realized that yes, I am a douche. HA! <---I'm really trying not to use the acronym for laugh out loud.

--Dalibor